When my husband and I were newlyweds, we spent nearly every spare minute together. We just loved to be together all. the. time. I’m sure you weren’t any different.We both worked prior to having children and every evening was spent together doing yard work, watching t.v., going for walks, going out together and so on. It was blissful, really.
Enter children and the launch of our own businesses, spare time became a lot less. These days, I homeschool our children and stay at home with them. I also help my husband with his business ventures. My husband, Bernd, works long hours and here are many 8 plus hour days, well as late nights.
At the beginning of Bernd’s business journey, I complained A LOT.
I always had this dream of him just working a standard 40 hour week and being home EVERY night. He is home most nights, but those nights include work. That wasn’t quite my newlywed picture.
Not only that, I also thought that he would be able to provide everything I wanted. Ever heard the phrase, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too?” I was definitely living like that was possible. These were the days that we managed to get ourselves into significant debt, mostly doing renovations on our house.
Eventually, though, I settled into not caring if he was home and almost hoping he was busy working that evening, so I could have time to myself. I know, that sounds pretty horrible that I would think that way. Crazy thing is, I liked being with Bernd and we weren’t fighting, I just got used to having a lot of time to myself.
I can’t say that I have arrived or I have it all together in this area at all. I have only recently learned that I need to place more priority on our marriage again.
I believe in living life with intention.
Why wouldn’t I live life with Bernd, my amazing husband, with intention as well?
Why wouldn’t I take the intentional time to spend to think about him, to do something I know he likes for him?
I have had the book “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian for years, but have been reading through it daily for quite some time. I think that I am reading through it for the third time. When I started this book, Chapter one spoke to me like the voice of the Holy Spirit. This chapter is entitled “His Wife.” I don’t normally underline in my books, but the following prayer is underlined in my book.
“Lord, I confess I do not esteem my husband the way Your Word says to. There is a wall in my heart that I know was erected as a protection against being hurt. But I am ready to let it come down so that my heart can heal. I confess the times I have shown a lack of respect for him. I confess my disrespectful attitude and words as I confess the times I have shown a lack of respect for him. I confess my disrespectful attitude and words as sin against You. Show me how to dismantle this barrier over my emotions that keeps me from having the unconditional love You want me to have. Tear down the wall of hardness around my heart and show me how to respect my husband the way You want me to. Give me Your heart for him, Lord, and help me to see him the way You see him.”
This has spoken so deeply to my Spirit.
Ephesians 4:32 says Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Galatians 6:9 says Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
Some of the ways that we (I) are being intentional with working on our marriage:
1. Mom and Dad Time.
We send our children to play by themselves for about 20-30 minutes after supper, while we chat about our days. We also do a devotional together at this time. We aren’t perfect at this because we have to leave for church or some other activity several days a week, right after supper. (Keeping it real)
2. Weekly at home date nights
Again, not gonna lie, we aren’t perfect at this. We try for Friday or Saturday night depending on the week. Sometimes it doesn’t happen at all. Recently, we have been taking turns to plan something to do on these nights. It’s been a lot of fun!
3. Sending Bernd a text at some point during his work day, just say to I love you, hope you’re having a good day or whatever.
I don’t do this daily, but it’s something I try to remember at least a few times a week.
4. Monthly Get out of the House Dates
This doesn’t happen every month, but that is our goal. Sometimes it involves going to Costco, as we don’t live near the city. It’s a great time to spend together. The week we do this date, we don’t do an at home date night.
5. Weekend Away Once or twice a year
Now that our children are a little older and there is no nursing going on, no new babies going on, this is so much fun!
These are some of the things that we do to be intentional about keeping our marriage a priority. It’s not always easy by any means. In fact, it’s downright tough sometimes, but so worth it.
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