How to Find Contentment in Marriage

About 4 or 5 years ago, I was really struggling to find contentment in marriage.

Nothing about my marriage seemed to be the way that I’d thought it would be.

My husband was working all the time. I was busy being a Mom to 3, one of which was a needy toddler, and one who was a baby.

My husband wasn’t as romantic as I’d like and I found myself very unhappy.

My marriage hadn’t really turned out the way I’d hoped.

Those things that bugged me about my husband well, I found out I couldn’t change him the way I’d thought I could.

He wasn’t the guy of my fantasies after all.

I had thought that over time, he would see that I was the one who was right and change.

He hadn’t.

In those days, I ashamed to say that I struggled with wondering what might have been had I married someone else.

Friends, marriage isn’t for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of work and a lot of commitment.

The truth is, all those things that I was struggling with haven’t really changed. What has changed, is my perspective and attitude.

I believe that there will be seasons in each and every one of our marriages that won’t be easy. I’m under no illusions that this will be the last time that I’ll struggle. However, I believe that when we see marriage from a different perspective, it can be a beautiful thing.

Today, I want to share with you the 8 things that have helped me find contentment in my marriage.

*I want to remind you that the following things won’t help you if you’re in an abusive relationship. If you are in harm’s way, please get help.

#1: Realizing that neither of us is perfect.

In all reality, marriage is the joining of two imperfect people. If we can choose to accept our husband’s faults and all, the reality is we will be a lot happier. At one point, I really thought that his imperfections were worse than mine. These days I choose to believe the best of him. I choose to believe that he generally has only good thoughts towards me.

#2: We can’t control our husbands.

I spent years actually believing that I could be charming enough to change him.

Friends, you are not your husband’s Holy Spirit. We cannot convict our husbands to righteousness. What we can do is pray for him. Sometimes he’ll never change. The trick is to let go of that control, realizing that we need to love our husband’s the way Christ does-unconditionally.

#3: We can only change ourselves

If there is something in your marriage that you don’t like, do your best to change yourself. You can talk to your husband, but ultimately the choice to change will always be his.

#4: Focus on the good things

My husband, Bernd is an incredibly good provider. He’s a great Dad and he’s a man of integrity. Those are the things I focus on. He may not do everything I’d like him to, but he’s still a good man.

#5: Walk in Gratitude

Since we live in an imperfect world, we must remember that there is almost always something to be thankful for. I choose gratitude for what I do have instead of what I don’t.

#6: Brag on his good points

This is something I struggle with. I’m naturally a “fixer,” but sadly that can come across as being very picky. I strive (daily) to see the good in others and not just the things that should change.

#7: Get rid of negative influences

It might be a t.v. show.

It could be chick flick movies.

For me, it was Christian romance novels.

In those books, all the characters seemed perfect. The men did amazing things for their girlfriends/wives. They seemed forever thoughtful and romantic. Their husbands were always in the best of shape. They were incredible spiritual leaders. They worked in the church, etc, etc.

A few years ago, the Lord asked me to give up those novels for a whole year. That was the beginning of my change of heart. I realized that those books had served to mess with my thought life and I had to spend some time re-wiring it. These days, I will occasionally read one of those books and it doesn’t bother me anymore, but it’s not something I do often and the truth is I never will again.

#8: Spend time in prayer for your marriage

I started my prayers by asking the Lord for a fresh passion for my husband. It took time, but eventually, he gave me a renewed passion and love.

I began to pray about the things that bothered me about him. And while I was praying for him, I surrendered control of him to God. These days, I choose to love him exactly the way that he is without strings attached.

In Conclusion

So, friends, I want to remind you that marriage to one man for life is God’s perfect plan.

Mark 10: 9 (NIV) Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

Marriage isn’t a cake walk. It takes hard work and commitment.

Tell me, how do you find contentment in your marriage?

If you enjoyed this content, I’d love if you’d take a moment to share it with a friend or via social media.

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16 thoughts on “How to Find Contentment in Marriage

  1. This makes me feel so much better. Sometimes, I wonder if “normal marriages” are really all that much better than my “abnormally stressful marriage” and you know? I think it’s the same. The issues are different but the emotions we feel are similar. Marriage is tough! Thanks for the encouragement, I appreciated it!

    1. I’m glad that I was able to be an encouragement, Leah! I agree that issues are different but the emotions are definitely similar for each marriage.

  2. Blessed post,Rosanna! #7 helped me a great deal in realizing there is a huge difference between fantasies and reality. when I began to wean off from the world and into God’s Word I began to see my husband as a Hardworker( works long hours), my toddlers as precious gifts for this season( I have TRIPLETS) ,and marriage began to be filled with contentment.

    God bless your work

    1. Diana, I’m sure you must be very busy with triplets. I can only imagine. I have twin brothers and my Mom always said they were a double blessing, but I’m sure they were also hard work. I love what you said about weaning yourself off from the world and into God’s Word. That is something I’m working towards every day. Thanks for stopping by!

    1. I think I read a review on that. Maybe on your blog? It did sound like a good book. Thanks for stopping by, Michele!

  3. I would love to see more wives doing #6! It hasn’t always been my strength but I’ve seen what bragging on my husband does for his confidence and peace and I love it. A perfect way to uplift and encourage the man in our life.

    I don’t know that I’ve ever witnessed a perfect marriage. But I love that there are things we can do to bring peace, joy, and that content spirit into our marriage.

    1. So true, Lo! We definitely all need to brag on our hubby’s good points more. I may just have written this post for me. Lol!

  4. Rosanna – all 8 points are good – I think the one I have found lately to be the most helpful to us, is #6 – bragging on his good points. I let him know I value and appreciate who he is and what he has done. Thanks for joining the community at #TuneInThursday this week.

  5. “We can control our husbands” is one that I’ve had to learn! It reminds me of a post I read saying that we are not the Holy Spirit and therefore can’t control anyone or force them to do anything. I think God has been really reminding me that I am really only responsible for my own actions and I can’t control someone else’s – including my husband. Great post!

    1. Funny how we still think we can try to control people, isn’t it? Thanks for stopping by, Ro. Blessings on your journey! 🙂

  6. Hi Rosanna. You make great points here. I too have to be careful how much I read Christian romance novels. My husband isn’t perfect, but he’s pretty amazing. When I accept him as he is, I avoid disappointment. Blessings to you!

  7. Rosanna
    Loved this post. I so see myself in there. I am learning to love my husband and pray for him. He has some amazing qualities though he is not perfect. I’ve tried the control and even the manipulation and sorry to say, even tried to be Holy Spirit. But God has been changing my heart and I’m grateful for that. My husband truly is a good man.
    Thank you for sharing! Blessings.

    1. Lureta, I so hear you! I find the more that I spend time getting into the Word of God and his presence, the less I worry about the areas that my hubby isn’t perfect. It seems like God has begun to highlight the good about my husband so much more because of it! Blessings to you!

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