For Valentine’s Day and Beyond


*I write this post from the perspective that both people in the marriage are committed to it. I’m not a marriage counselor. I know that each situation is different.

As I begin this post, I have to admit that I’m not a “holiday girl.” I don’t put much stock in the pressures of making holidays perfect for myself, my children, or my husband. I don’t hold my husband to the standard of having to bring home flowers or chocolates on Valentine’s Day or him taking me to Dinner. That isn’t to say that we don’t do something for Valentine’s Day at times. It just doesn’t happen every year.

This attitude is one that I would have scoffed at in my younger, romanticized teenage years. In fact, this attitude is exactly the kind of thing that I thought my otherwise awesome Mother should care about. I may have even vowed that I would never be like my Mother. That I wouldn’t allow MY husband not to get me gifts on special occasions.

Perhaps, I’ve gotten wiser as I’ve gotten older. (Though I’m not old yet) Or maybe some of you may think that I’ve just given up on my husband. That I’ve been disappointed too many times. Yet that isn’t really the case.

I’ve learned a few things about myself. I’m not really big on flowers. They die. Gifts aren’t my number 1 love language. In fact, they are almost at the bottom. Sure, I love chocolate just as much as the next girl, but my hubby can get that for me any day.

But Enough about Me

The point of this post isn’t to talk about myself.

It’s actually about Love.

For this, I must take you all back to the “Love Chapter.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT) Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

  • Love is Patient and Kind

Love is when our husbands patiently hold our hands while we labor to deliver a baby.

Love is when our husbands clean up the puke of one of the children because we can’t stand the sight of it.

Love is when our husbands patiently wait while we take forever to do our hair AGAIN.

Love is when our husbands don’t complain that dinner is late again even though we spent too much time on Facebook that day.

Love is when our husbands say not a word when we get a speeding ticket.

  • Love is Forgiveness

Love is when we forgive each other for harsh words yet again.

Love is when our husbands forgive us for losing our tempers with one of our children before we’ve even forgiven ourselves.

Love is when our husbands forgive us for shrinking his favorite shirt.

Love is when we forget each other’s wrong doings and never bring them up again.

  • Love is not irritable.

Love is when our husbands keep quiet even when we’re throwing a fit again.

Love is when we keep our cool even when he’s late for Dinner again.

Love is when we respond kindly to harsh words.

  • Love never gives up.

Love is when we keep trying to communicate even when it’s hard.

Love is holding our spouses near in the midst of pain and suffering, even when they don’t seem like they’ll ever be the same again.

Love is cheering for each other in spite of numerous failures.

  • Love endures through every circumstance.

Love is holding each other close through hard financial times or bankruptcy.

Love is remembering that you’re both hurting in the midst of loss.

Love is loving even when there’s no time to date.

Love is communicating even if the other spouse doesn’t respond.

The truth is the romanticized views of marriage that I had as a teen were just that-romanticized.

Marriage takes work.

Love isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice that we must make each and every day.

We must choose to love through the good AND the bad.

To hold one another near through thick and thin.

In sickness and health.

In loss and pain.

And the good news is that marriage is absolutely beautiful!

When we work at it, we get to live and work together as teammates with our very best friends!

No, this kind of relationship doesn’t come without work.

But that work is absolutely worth it!

So, today, I want to remind what LOVE is really about.

It’s a choice. I encourage you to make that choice today.


4 Simple Ways to Show Your Husband that You Value Him

5 Ways to Stay Connected in Marriage

5 Ways to Prioritize Marriage


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6 thoughts on “For Valentine’s Day and Beyond

  1. Rosanna, you have such a gift with words! This is my first time visiting your site (thanks to Women With Intention), and your voice was so soothing to my soul. In today’s culture, I rarely hear the sentiment that, as you say, love is more of a choice than a feeling. I thank you so much for encouraging married women like me to grow in biblical love.

    1. Melissa, thanks so much for your kind words! My heart is absolutely for encouragement, so I’m so glad that this post did that for you. 🙂

  2. I’m with you on Valentine’s Day. I’ve been married 27 years and told my husband a long time ago, that I didn’t want the calendar to force him to say that he loves me and that I preferred for him to say it on April 9, July 12, September 29 or any other day of the year that it comes into his mind and heart to say it. Those special things he does on random days are far more meaningful than anything he’s ‘obligated’ to do. So we don’t celebrate Feb 14 as a regular thing. sometimes yes. often no. And I 100% agree with your elaboration on the meaning of true love. it takes work and commitment. thanks!

    1. Thanks for your comment, Karen! That’s so cool that you’ve been married 27 years! I remember feeling like that number was terribly huge early on in my marriage now almost 15 years have passed and it doesn’t seem so huge anymore in some ways.

  3. Beautifully put! I still like flowers and chocolate, but I have never expected them. I just like hugs and kisses, holding hands and snuggles, being able to talk to someone who gets me, reading together, watching TV together… I guess what it comes down to is that I love having someone to love unconditionally and who loves me unconditionally as well!

    1. I agree, Danielle, I just love having someone to talk with you who listens and hears me.

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