Each month of this year, I have enjoyed rifling through the pages of my journal, looking back on what I’ve written, and then writing a blog post about it all. You can check out the other posts here-January, February, March, April, May, June, and July.
This month has flown by. Yet, at the same time, it has crept by. August 1st seems like forever ago. Yet it feels like it can’t possibly be a month ago that my sister-in-law died. (I wrote about this a little here and here) Typing this brings tears to my eyes yet again. There are days I feel guilty that I’m not crying and that our life is continuing on in a sense of normality. There are other days that watching a sad movie makes me cry for thinking of her. My kids don’t understand why Mommy is crying and I’m not sure what to say. On August 2nd, I wrote in my journal. This is what I wrote:
Today, it feels like it just can’t be real. Like how is it possible that she is just gone?
A month later, that feeling is still there. It’s feeling that I can’t quite explain. I’m not sure if that feeling will ever really go away.
Each summer, we spend about 5 days at our favorite Christian Family Camp. We rent a cabin, we bring some of our food and have fun eating a few of our meals in the camp’s dining hall. We spend time as a family completely unplugged (no cell phones work there) and we spend time at the lake with awesome friends and acquaintances that we’ve met over the years. In the evenings, we enjoy wonderful worship and life-changing messages. This year, our planned vacation time fell right after our loss and during the funeral time. My husband, Bernd, strongly felt we were still to go and just come back for the funeral and such. It is only 1.5-hour drive, so that’s what we did. Was it the best vacation, ever? No, not at all. But God was very real for us while we were away. It took us away from the questions and brought us to the most peaceful place on earth that I’ve ever been. There’s something about being by the water that brings a calmness to my soul.
For many years, it’s been easy for me to start the day off with my to-do list. I am definitely the most energetic in the mornings and thus I want to get right to the list. However, I have been enjoying great rewards for leaving the to-do list and spending time with the Word of God first thing in the morning. I’m not saying that the morning is the only time to spend time with God, but that it works best for me. I used to try to do it early, but I was finding that I’m just not awake enough for it. Instead, I’ve started writing first thing when I get up instead. For some reason, I can stay awake for that. After I’ve eaten breakfast with the kids, I get into the Word of God and I am loving it. I want to encourage you, find a time that works for you. Do what it takes to intentionally stick with it.
Unexpected Couple Time
Our children had the opportunity to spend several days with their Grandparents this month! We only learned that their Grandparents would like them to come the day before they went. They had so much fun and Bernd and I had so much fun getting some extra time together in. Bernd even took part of one of those days off of work and we went shopping and out for supper.
1 Timothy 1:15-16 (NLT)
This is a true saying, and everyone should believe it: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-and I was the worst of them all. But that is why God had mercy on me, so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.
This scripture is powerful! How many times haven’t I judged someone and not understood how God could love them. Yet God loves each and everyone the same. My heart’s cry is “to see everyone the way Christ sees them-with the eyes of Christ.”
Those are some of the things that I’ve learned this month. What about you? Did anything stick out to you this month?
2 thoughts on “August Thoughts”
A wonderful mix of thoughts and experiences for August (minus the mixed emotions piece). I am with you on the mixed emotions. I have days where I find I function just fine and other days I’m overwhelmed with it all and it feels like I drown in tears. The loss is huge. I’m grateful for family (and God) as we all walk through this together.
Thanks for your comment, Siggi! Yes, this is definitely the time that I am also thankful for God. He has shown himself so faithful to all of us.
Comments are closed.