Each month of this year, I have enjoyed rifling through the pages of my journal, looking back on what I’ve written, and then writing a blog post about it all. You can check out the other posts here-January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, and September.
A Month with Mixed Feelings
This month has been a struggle for me. I’ve been confused and mixed up in what I believe. The loss of my sister-in-law has had me questioning what I believe about healing big time. It’s not that I question whether God loves me at all. I don’t. I know he’s been with us holding our hands through it all. There is not a shadow of a doubt about that in my heart. At church, we are watching a series by John Bevere called “Drive by Eternity.” Last Sunday, I had my moment of clarity. John Bevere basically said, “We as Christians need to stop trying to figure out our doctrine.” Instead, we just need to believe what the Word of God says. We believe it even when we don’t understand what we just read. By Faith, we receive that Word. And say “Lord, I believe it and I’ll wait for you to help me understand it.” Maybe that seems a little simple. It probably is. All I know is I have the most peace that I’ve had in a very long time.
Reactive or Proactive?
We’ve been struggling around here in the last month or so. There have been some attitudes, you ‘all. Not only the kids but mama too. The picture has gone a little like this. A kid has a grumpy or bad attitude. Mama snaps straight to attention and begins an awesome lecture on how they should find something to be thankful about. Cause you ‘all, we are so blessed. Why can’t you just be thankful for what you have instead of complaining? In all of this, I’ve realized that I tend to be reactive instead of proactive in my parenting far too often. If things are going fine, I often don’t take the time to gently work on things that the children should grow in. I wait until the moment and then I have a flip out. So I’m learning that I need to work on this.
True story, I tend to be an impatient person. I want things to be finished/done like right now. I don’t love that I can’t get things perfect the first time. This blogging thing is a challenge that way. There are so many things that I don’t know how to do. This month, I’ve been learning that I need to recognize that of life is a learning process and that it’s okay to not know everything just yet.
Some favorite quotes
Henry Ford, “Those who never make mistakes work for those of us who do.”
Helen Keller, “The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but no vision.”
John C. Maxwell “A budget for your money is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went. Managing time is the same; you will either tell your day what to do or you will wonder where it went.”
Learning about Trust
The word trust just won’t go away. When God gave me the word trust, I didn’t expect that it would look the way it has at all. My picture was completely different. A lot of things have happened in the last couple of months. It’s not always easy to let go and trust the Word, but here we are. You know what the biggest thing I’ve learned is? That Faith is tested by fire and that I’ve grown stronger because of the fire.
What is my passion?
I’m passionate about writing. I never really considered myself a good writer when I was young, but I always wrote. That writing started with a diary, which documented every single crush I ever had as pre-teen and teen. I later graduated to a journal where I mostly kept sermon notes and scriptures that spoke to me during my devotions. Over the years, though, it has evolved. Journals have become the way that I process through life. They are the way I keep myself from losing it quite so often on my husband. They are the way that I find clarity with the events of life.
I’m reading Stephen Covey’s book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” Here’s something that has stood out to me:
Passion Matters, Calling Matters. Find something you love doing, so much that on the tough days you have a reason to fight on.
Obviously, this is simplifying life just a little bit. Many of us have no choice but to continue on in a dreary job that we hate because we need the money to survive. I don’t diminish that fact at all nor do I fail to recognize that I am an incredibly blessed woman. I recognize that the fact that I am able to pursue my passion is a big deal. I know that not everyone has that chance. However, I share this because I believe that none of us is totally stuck. Yes, you may be stuck for right now, but what about the future? What can you do today to change your future?
How about you? What did you learn this month?